Most people who know me well know that I HATE facebook. Whenever I log on, I'm tempted to remove my profile. There are two reasons for this.

Since I can compare how many friends I have to other people, It makes me feel like, comparatively, I'm a friendless loser. I'm not really -- the close friends I do make are loyal to me, and I to them. I just have an inability to tolerate needless acquaintances (I despise, and am bad at chitchat), and a high bar for what makes a worthy friend (at least that is what I am telling myself).

The other part of it is the signal to noise ratio on FB. I'm annoyed by most of the content that shows up in the feed (and the general clutter of the design is also highly irritating -- it seems to be optimized for sugared-up twelve-year-olds).

I do not want to see people's party pictures, especially if those depicted in them have huge grins, are holding plastic cups, are wearing something florescent around their necks, and have serious red-eye. Nobody cares, especially me. You don't need to remind me that you are having a good time, and I am not.

I do not want to see endless "Cool!", "Awesome!", "Dude!" comments, or any variation of a singlet smiley. If you can't string two actual words together, paste in some random lorem ipsum. It would have more meaning. I recommend Cicero.

I don't want to see 30 second video clips from anyone who has not at least directed a commercial or music video. The exception to this is anything involving a cute dog.

I don't mind status updates so much, unless it's bragging. "Oh, Brad and I went to Acapulco and swam with 12 dozen bottlenose doplphins! It was such a spiritual moment. We wish you could have been there!" No you don't. I could heave.